I love Nick Cave not for his music but for his writing. While loyal fans go to his concerts to listen to his songs, I go to his blog to read his sentences — beautiful and tender yet powerful and uncompromising sentences. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s called The Red Hand Files. It serves as a meeting place for Cave and his community, where they can bond and discuss various issues ranging from art, religion, current affairs, and music. Today, I would like to share with you one of his letters to a woman who lost her husband of 45 years. She felt lonely because people around her had a hard time talking about her loss and pain. She asked, “I want to talk about him, it makes people nervous. What can I do?” To which Nick Cave gave the following reply:
There is an uneasy truth that collects like a shadow over every long-term and loving relationship — that one must stay and the other depart. And that ultimate and inevitable departure of the other takes with it a fundamental piece of ourselves, a part of our being, leaving us with a terrible feeling of incompleteness. Loss brings its unhappy vacuum, and in our loneliness we reach out to people for comfort. But in our state of mourning we often find that not only have we lost the one we loved, but also those we reach for, as they instinctively recoil from our suffering. We have a desperate desire to talk about the person who has left us, to keep their memory alive, but at the time of our greatest need the world shrinks back as it sees in us that cold and uncomfortable truth — life is loss. As the nervous world retracts, we are left alone with the fading spirit of our beloved.
You can read the rest of his answer — with a quote from Louise Gluck’s poem “Averno” — by clicking on this link. Complement with Faith, Hope and Carnage and then revisit David Kessler on finding meaning after loss and what the Buddha taught about overcoming grief.
I’m a freelance writer with 6 years of experience in SEO blogging and article publishing. I currently run two websites: MindfulSpot.com and OurReadingLife.com. While you’re here, get the latest updates by subscribing to my newsletter.
