“We should choose for our friends men [and women] who are, as far as possible, free from strong desires,” Seneca wrote while contemplating friendship, “for vices are contagious, and pass from a man to his neighbor, and injure those who touch them.” Thinking about this timeless advice made me wonder about the opposite side of friendship — the art of making enemies. Before you object to such a terrible practice, hear me out. Our life situations are full of challenges, and sometimes those challenges manifest themselves as deeply disturbed, unconscious people. On rare occasions, the sheer number of these people can be overwhelming to the point of being completely and utterly unbearable. So what should we do? Oscar Wilde (October 16, 1854–November 30, 1900) offers a potent way to reduce the overwhelm by focusing on a few individuals who are actually worthy of our attention and ignoring the rest. Here’s how he puts it in his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray:
A man [or a woman] cannot be too careful in the choice of his [or her] enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men [and women] of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.
This, of course, should be ingested with caution — when taken out of context (and out of Wilde’s wonderful novel), it could become a distorted extreme. As spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle argues in The Power of Now, the ego needs problems, conflict, and “enemies” to strengthen the sense of separateness on which its identity depends. “Love Your Enemies,” said Jesus and the Buddha, which, of course means “have no enemies.” The Picture of Dorian Gray is as timeless as it is timely for our troubled times: a truly wonderful read in its exquisite entirety. Complement with our article on compassionate forgiveness.
I’m a freelance writer with 6 years of experience in SEO blogging and article publishing. I currently run two websites: MindfulSpot.com and OurReadingLife.com. While you’re here, get the latest updates by subscribing to my newsletter.
